Your mouth is God's brothel.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Drake has all the answers
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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