I wanna passion pit in your ass
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
