I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
