Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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