1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
