I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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