Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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