so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You are the jesus of drinking
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
