I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
