The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
