i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
