Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
