Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Watching her eat just hurts me
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I could fuck to npr.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
