i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
