beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
