by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
