im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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