His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
