dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
