sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
