i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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