Im at strip club and am horny
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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