Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
