i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
