singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
