very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
