how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
