I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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