So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
