$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So much Jack, so little girl.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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