i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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