Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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