the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
