he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
