you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
