...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
