i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Randomize
