so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
