I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
