my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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