I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
