she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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