I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
