I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
