Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
