I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The power of my boobs compel you
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
