If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
