I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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