Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just had sex bonerless
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
