i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
