If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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