Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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