Who wears a wallet chain?!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
